Twitter Is Connecting Everything!

I have just remembered something I wanted to do during my Twitter Week. I certainly barely scratched the surface of what Twitter is capable of.

Anything can have a twitter account.
Devices are hooked up to household objects so they can send tweets. Some examples:

Baby Linked to Twitter in the Womb
Tweeting Toaster
Twittering Cats. [Humans fake this; stupid humans.]
Plants Twitter

Albert Markovski: Nobody sits like this rock sits. You rock, rock. The rock just sits and is. You show us how to just sit here and that's what we need.

I need a Twitter device connected to my stomach, like the pregnant lady. Except mine will take note when my stomach growls, then send a tweet. Also, when my stomach expands to a certain amount it will tweet again to tell me to stop eating. Without this I will always be hungry or full, but never just right.

Twitter would also be handy with my bikes. I could have a device with GPS twittering so I can see where I went, or if someone steals my bike I can see where they go. While I am at it, I can put on a motion sensor, so my bike can tell me when I am treating it poorly. That will be the day objects can complain that they are getting treated like women, man.

Chip Douglas: The future is now! Soon every American home will integrate their television, phone and computer. You'll be able to visit the Louvre on one channel, or watch female wrestling on another. You can do your shopping at home, or play Mortal Kombat with a friend from Vietnam. There's no end to the possibilities!

Twitter allows everything to connect to everything else.
Once we get everything twittering, then all we have to do is connect all the tweets. Pretty soon, my stomach will tweet to my refrigerator to see what is in it. The refrigerator will tell the stove to preheat itself, while the robot is told to start chopping vegetables. The vegetables will tweet to RADICAL (robots against destructive internal consumption of anything living). RADICAL will announce that another living being has been killed by the human race and that humans must die. Robots kill humans. Robots tweet about death of humans. Twitter rules the world.
[I have been told that you do not need Twitter to set up a system like this, but my question is, if you do not use Twitter how will things be able to comment on what other things are doing? How will vegetables be able to send out a mass "LOL" when the humans get killed? Vegetables certainly are not allowed on Facebook.]

Albert Markovski: The interconnection thing is definitely for real.
Tommy Corn: It is! I didn't think it wasn't! It is!
Albert Markovski: I know, I can't believe it, it's so fantastic!
Tommy Corn: It's amazing!
Albert Markovski: I know.
Tommy Corn: But it's also nothing special.

The nice thing about Twitter is that you do not have to join. If you do join, you can also ignore 100% of the tweets. However, do not be surprised when a robot shows up to your door to kill you. You have been warned.

[I think I am going to go twitter about this blog. Here is My Twitter, if you care to follow. What do you want to twitter?]