"You Are Not Wearing Pants"

The following events are in chronological order:

12:01 AM, my post is posted. My pants are still on. I drink champagne. I am not wearing yellow. However, I am not eating food, so I have gone vegan.

12:17 AM, some guy is puking so I let him go into the bathroom ahead of me. Guy exits and I enter. Pants come off. Shorts go on. Drinking Pabst occurs. I am no longer wearing pants and have not eaten anything, but I am not paying any attention to color and am still drinking.

3:39 AM, dancing in short shorts drinking Jameson and water. I have not eaten still, so I have a full three hours of veganism.

2:01 PM, lying in bed, hating 2009 and not wanting to get up. It is freezing in my room, but I put on shorts.

3:15 PM, I go to brunch with a friend. Some girl says, "you are not wearing pants." It sounds weird when someone says you are not wearing pants in public. It sounds like I am a pervert walking around half naked, but this is not true. I am wearing shorts.

4:30 PM, my food finally comes and even though I ordered a tofu scramble breakfast burrito it comes with cheese. Vegan failure. I do order a virgin Bloody Mary, so I am fighting some challenges while losing others. I will get better at this.

5:30 PM, get home and do nothing the rest of the day.

[Whomever decided to put a lot of partying during one night and life changes the next day were idiots.]