George W. Bush Changed the World

Many look at George W. Bush as a failure; I do not (and Condoleezza Rice does not). During George W. Bush's terms, these amazing things happened:

The First Gay Marriage in the USA. Although, George W. Bush wanted to stop it with a Constitutional Amendment (then again President Clinton signed the Defense of Marriage Act, which stated marriage is between one man and one woman).

Americans become more environmentally friendly. The first hybrid car is sold in the US. Al Gore campaigns to instill fear in each American about global warming. However, George W. Bush figured that the US did not need to ratify the Kyoto Protocol. Global Warming and other science was a joke to George W. Bush.

America became intelligent (well, it liked to pretend it did). Intelligent Design tried to combat science and take down the theory of evolution. Thanks to the battle against evolution, the Flying Spaghetti Monster made its first appearance in 2005. Pastafarians everywhere rejoiced.

House prices drop drastically. Some people are having trouble selling houses they do not want, but this could be because everyone now owns a house due to low prices, right?

Lots of people now have more free time (they also have a little less money). How would you like a day off? How about a month? Maybe a year might be a good amount to get your life situated. Many employers are giving their workers time off (forever).

Truth is replaced by truthiness. Thanks to George W., Stephen Colbert created the term truthiness:

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

The Word - Truthiness

Colbert at Christmas
Colbert Christmas DVD

Green Screen
Bill O'Reilly Interview

Thank you George W. Bush for CHANGE!

The Internet Was Made For Losers (I Need To Get Out)

It is over. At midnight I signed back on to Facebook. I am done. I do not really care.

On Christmas Day, I was enjoying my bike ride up 1st ave. in Manhattan and decided I want to take a year off the internet. Not a year off of Facebook or away from AIM, but a year away from any net connected to another net. No webs. No tubes.

I will plan it out of course, but I am serious about it. This will make some things painfully difficult: airline tickets, getting directions, learning stuff, googling, porn, talking to friends who are too far away to talk to in person, pretending I have a life, making my life seem interesting to people who do not see me, and paying my credit card bills. Stuff like that will be annoying, but so is the rest of the internet. The waste of space and time and energy.

Many think that the internet is something that just exists, but in reality, downloading a movie is a lump of coal. Yes, one lump of coal is equivalent to a gigabyte of memory.

I am not saying the internet is useless and bad, but I am just ready for a break. I have lived online for the last decade and more. I need a break. Not right now, but in the near future. This week without Facebook at first left me thinking I was missing something, but when I sign back on I see there was nothing happening. Now you are reading this and realizing I am not saying anything, so um have a good day?

Dear Internet: I Want Your Help

I need your help finding a picture of myself...

After being hit by a pedestrian on the Brooklyn Bridge, I should have avoided the bridge forever, but I did not. When I saw a huge crowd on Christmas Day, I should have turned around, but I did not.

In fact, I went home after dodging tourists and put on my Santa suit. Then returned to do it again.

How You Can Help
Many people had their cameras ready and a few took pictures of me. All I want is a picture of myself dressed up as Santa, riding over the Brooklyn Bridge on my tandem. Is that really too much to ask for? Can one Christmas wish come true? Here is my video of you, what do you have for me?


SANTA GOES FOR A RIDE

Any information is helpful. Thank you internet, you rule!

Contact: alan.m.dickson@gmail.com

Life Without Texting, Chatting, Facebook, and Fucking

Spending Christmas alone without texting, chatting, facebooking, and fucking does not help (not that fucking was an option). As of now, I have gotten 17 text messages that I could not text back. Even my roommate, who gave me this challenge, texted me after I called him (asshole).

Anyway, I also had a semi-productive day without Facebook. I went for a bike ride through Manhattan. I saw the big Christmas tree at Rockefeller, which actually looked small and wimpy. When I got home, I started on my tofurkey Christmas dinner for one.


[Santa enjoys his Tofurkey all alone, but where are the cookies?]

Merry Christmas

It is Christmas day. I am in my apartment. I cannot text, chat, facebook, or fuck. I might have to pick up the phone and say Merry Christmas with my voice or make a blog post...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I Want a Twin

When are people going to start cloning themselves? Will the clone ever be the same age as the original or will I be stuck with a 5 year old clone when I am 30?

Twins Are All the Rage
MTV has a show with twins that are looking for love. Twins can play the same guitar at the same time. I think there are even twin pornstars (not that I know this for sure, but I have heard rumors).

Having a Twin Would be Awesome
This week, I was talking with some friends about twins. I mentioned that I would love to have a twin. Having a twin would be like having two of me (which is what the world needs). [update: this is the awesomeness of twins]

I imagine my twin and I sleep in bunk beds. I go through my twin's clothes to find what I am going to wear for the day. We jump on our tandem and go for a ride. When we pick up girls we can ride separate tandems (nothing like tandems in tandem).

It Is NOT Cheaing If...
Speaking of girls, most twins say they do not even think about playing tricks on their twin's significant others (the MTV twins at least say they do not). I hope my twin would, because if we pulled the switch and hooked up with the wrong girlfriend, we could not get in trouble for cheating. If I cheat with my twin's girlfriend and he cheats with my girlfriend, then my girlfriend cheats with my twin and his girlfriend cheats with me. Everyone cheats, so nobody can get in trouble! Having a clone might be slightly better, because when you hook up with your clone's girlfriend you are hooking up with your own girlfriend (at least that is what the DNA would show, right?).



Twins Rule! I should just pretend I have a twin.

No Texting, Chatting, Facebooking, or... Fucking

"You don't drink coffee and your challenge should be no texting, chatting, facebooking, or fucking." - a text from my roommate. [I understand I don't drink coffee... that is why it would be a challenge to start.]



I was debating going sans pants for a week, but seeing the temperature below freezing all tomorrow, plus having a room that is not insulated or warm, I decided against it. Maybe in the dead of winter, when I really want it to be spring, I will drop the pants and put on the short shorts.

I should hold a poll the week before my challenge, so I do not have to debate last minute on what I am going to do, instead leaving it up to the masses (or the 2 of you who vote and use different computers to tally up multiple votes). I did not poll and I do not want to take off my pants or start drinking coffee the week of Christmas, so I will not be texting, chatting, facebooking, or... fucking (who knows how this got thrown into that group of things, but oh well, that will be the easy part).

No Texting, Chatting, Facebooking, or Fucking Challenge
No texting is pretty explanatory. If I do get texted (which is rare, but I might get some mass Christmas texts), I can call them back.
No chatting will free up my time on my computer and let me focus. Can I have my buddy list open even if I am not chatting? Okay fine, I will just keep it closed.
No Facebooking means I will not get your Christmas wall post. I know everyone is waiting for Christmas day to tell me, "to me, you are perfect" (just because it's Christmas and on Christmas you tell the truth). If you really need to tell me (which you do), then just come to my apartment where I will be alone and not with my husband (because unlike Keira, I do not have a husband). [That was enough parentheses, I am going to wrap this up now.]
No Fucking: I am sorry for the language, it was not my choice of wording. I will be having my first Christmas alone, so that part of the challenge is done (unless Keira comes to my door and tells me I am perfect, then I am quitting this blog and challenges forever).

It is midnight already. I closed my AIM and Facebook, now I just need to stop fucking...


Text me and I will call you back. Or you can twitter me or e-mail me. HA, stupid roommate did not stop me from having next to zero interaction conversations!

Twitter Is Connecting Everything!

I have just remembered something I wanted to do during my Twitter Week. I certainly barely scratched the surface of what Twitter is capable of.

Anything can have a twitter account.
Devices are hooked up to household objects so they can send tweets. Some examples:

Baby Linked to Twitter in the Womb
Tweeting Toaster
Twittering Cats. [Humans fake this; stupid humans.]
Plants Twitter

Albert Markovski: Nobody sits like this rock sits. You rock, rock. The rock just sits and is. You show us how to just sit here and that's what we need.

I need a Twitter device connected to my stomach, like the pregnant lady. Except mine will take note when my stomach growls, then send a tweet. Also, when my stomach expands to a certain amount it will tweet again to tell me to stop eating. Without this I will always be hungry or full, but never just right.

Twitter would also be handy with my bikes. I could have a device with GPS twittering so I can see where I went, or if someone steals my bike I can see where they go. While I am at it, I can put on a motion sensor, so my bike can tell me when I am treating it poorly. That will be the day objects can complain that they are getting treated like women, man.

Chip Douglas: The future is now! Soon every American home will integrate their television, phone and computer. You'll be able to visit the Louvre on one channel, or watch female wrestling on another. You can do your shopping at home, or play Mortal Kombat with a friend from Vietnam. There's no end to the possibilities!

Twitter allows everything to connect to everything else.
Once we get everything twittering, then all we have to do is connect all the tweets. Pretty soon, my stomach will tweet to my refrigerator to see what is in it. The refrigerator will tell the stove to preheat itself, while the robot is told to start chopping vegetables. The vegetables will tweet to RADICAL (robots against destructive internal consumption of anything living). RADICAL will announce that another living being has been killed by the human race and that humans must die. Robots kill humans. Robots tweet about death of humans. Twitter rules the world.
[I have been told that you do not need Twitter to set up a system like this, but my question is, if you do not use Twitter how will things be able to comment on what other things are doing? How will vegetables be able to send out a mass "LOL" when the humans get killed? Vegetables certainly are not allowed on Facebook.]

Albert Markovski: The interconnection thing is definitely for real.
Tommy Corn: It is! I didn't think it wasn't! It is!
Albert Markovski: I know, I can't believe it, it's so fantastic!
Tommy Corn: It's amazing!
Albert Markovski: I know.
Tommy Corn: But it's also nothing special.

The nice thing about Twitter is that you do not have to join. If you do join, you can also ignore 100% of the tweets. However, do not be surprised when a robot shows up to your door to kill you. You have been warned.

[I think I am going to go twitter about this blog. Here is My Twitter, if you care to follow. What do you want to twitter?]

Privacy, Nudes, and Being Yourself on the Internet

My Twitter Week has ended. I can return to a normal level of privacy and not have my life broadcast onto the Internet, except I want to say that this level of privacy is a sham:

Privacy
Definition of Privacy:
1 a: the quality or state of being apart from company or observation : seclusion b: freedom from unauthorized intrusion [one's right to privacy]
2 archaic : a place of seclusion
3 a: secrecy b: a private matter : secret

The definition of privacy that I am discussing pertains to secrecy (obviously the Internet is not coming into your bedroom and punching you when you are sleeping).

Many think the Internet is taking away your privacy, but in reality it is giving you the freedom to be yourself in public.

There is a lot of fear that the Internet is documenting your every move. You search for something on Google and it remembers. You post something on Facebook and it remembers. You buy something on Amazon and it remembers. All these sites have information about you. With all this information, these websites may know you better than your friends, but this is not a bad thing (except that your friends do not know you well enough). All these websites know is who you really are.

Being Who you Really Are and the Internet
On the Internet, people do not have to hide their true self. They can be who they want. Even if you are an outcast from a small town, you can find support on the Internet through social networks, blogs, websites, and forums. People use this support to be more confident with themselves and then they add to the community of support for others, creating a ripple effect. However, there are draw backs with the Internet communities. Many forums online have far worse things said on them compared to what gets said face to face off the Internet. This will happen less and less as we lose our anonymity with things like Facebook Connect and Open ID, which let people post as themselves on websites (unless they create fake accounts to hide behind). In general, the Internet is opening up freedom for people to be themselves.

Nudes
Even sex, the unnamed taboo to talk about, has become more open. In a recent study, 20% of teens say they have posted nude (or semi-nude, which most articles about this study accidentally left out) photos or videos on the Internet. This has come as a shock to many, but it is nothing to be concerned about. There is a fear that from these pictures that more kids are getting pregnant and spreading STDs, but this is bogus. When you think about it, these pictures are just people's bodies, their skin. Teens and young adults are flowing with hormones, causing them to have natural sexual urges. Repressing and ignoring their urges is not the answer. Educating and being open about sex will lead to less teen pregnancies and less STDs, not shaming people about their bodies.


Who cares about privacy if it is hindering them from being free? So, enjoy the Internet. Post what you want. Post it as yourself. Do not hide yourself from the world any longer. Unless, you want to post another "spankwire" video, because then you are crazy and you should stay locked in your basement (just kidding, be yourself... if that is what the people in that video are doing).

Well, maybe the Internet is not really helping you be you. Maybe, the only way to be yourself is to not care about being judged and just do what you want. Personally, I just want to live in my speedo. What do you want to do?

Let America Purge

This has been a week of me opening up my daily life on My Twitter Feed, I thought I should open up a little on here.

Purge America, Purge!
Stocks, homes, cars, entire industries are drying up. Unemployment levels are rising. People fear what the future is going to bring, but I do not. To me this all signifies a time for great change. We can rid ourselves of our glutinous lifestyles and enjoy life for its true pleasures, hopefully.


Just for fun, here are some lists to help you sort through the economic madness:

5 Easy Steps to Avoiding a Depression
1. Do not inflate markets with false means.
2. Do not use inflated markets as means to produce more.
3. Do not use inflated markets to buy products produced by inflated markets.
4. Do not sell products produced by inflated markets in inflated markets.
5. Do not ignore when the above happens.

3 Easy Steps to Get out of a Depression
1. Accept depression.
2. Research what happened to get into the depression.
3. Stop doing what happened to get into the depression.

3 Easy Steps to Help You Get Through a Depression
1. Figure out your means for living.
2. Live within your means.
3. Repeat as necessary.

How are you doing with the current economy?

In the Groove

It is day three of my Twitter Week. I cannot really say I am feeling different from this challenge. It is not physically or mentally challenging. However, there has been a change and it is something that is new to me; I am on a strict set schedule (well strict in my book, which is not saying anything at all).

Every hour, I have a timer count down and notify me it is time to tweet. I post and reset the alarm. It is like clockwork, once I got it started, it just goes. I should look to applying this system to aspects of my life that are more productive. Maybe for push-ups or even something really helpful, like waking up to have breakfast before work. I do think waking up in time to cook a warm breakfast would be amazing, except the whole waking up early to do it. I could even mix some pancake batter the night before to get things started.

Wow, now I am getting ahead of myself. I am going to stick with twittering every hour for now. I will let the real change happen later. That is the way to get things done, right?


To check out my tweets, click here: Alan Dickson's Twitter

Digg Needs A New System To Classify Submissions

It is Twitter Week for me, so I am discussing other new Internet stuff.

Submitting a Link
Digg is a fun way to see what is happening in the world. It is supposed to be the new way to get your News, however it falls into the classic News platform of classifying news. When you submit a link, you to choose the media: news article, video, or picture. Luckily, nobody makes web pages with more than one of these options. All real web masters know pictures stay on picture pages, videos are on video pages, and written word is not disturbed by either videos or pictures relating to the topic (I have made this mistake in the past, but I have learned my lesson and this article will only contain words). [For this article I choose News Article, obviously.]

Title and Description
Next, it asks for the title of the Submission and a description in less than 350 characters. This is easy. [I will title this Digg Needs A New System To Classify Submissions and explain it is about how Digg needs to find a new way to process the next step when submitting a link (not as in choosing the thumbnail, but as in choosing the topic, even though choosing a thumbnail is annoying, too*).]

Choosing a Topic
This is the part I fear when submitting a link. Digg has stuck with an outdated categorizing system. You choose one topic, just like a newspaper. Library card catalogs (a system that was used over 1,000 years ago) have more ways to categorize a book. Let us take the Prop 8 - The Musical as an example. It was submitted under the Offbeat (comedy) topic, a place where it should be. However, to only show up in the Offbeat section is a huge mistake by Digg. This video is more than comedy, as most comedy is more than simply getting a few laughs. The video is political and is about a lifestyle, both which are separate topics on Digg, but which cannot be chosen to label the video.

Multiple Topics, Please?
Is posting links into multiple topics impossible? No, websites have been using tags or labels to categorize individual pages into a multiple sections (just like the Library Card Catalog used author names, book titles, and the subject of the book). Digg why will you not use this technological advancement (once again it has been used for over 1,000 years and is much easier to use now)? This is about open social media, so let us not keep the outdated one link in one topic and move into the future (past and present) with multiple topicss for one link.


*Digg only allows the choice of thumbnail pictures that it pulls from the page. This usually includes pictures of ads or other crap.

[This page was submitted to the Technology (industry news) section, because I do not know where it should go.
Digg it here: Digg Needs A New System To Classify Submissions.
It was also submitted to reddit: reddit needs one as well.]

No Biking: I Missed the Bus

[art at a bus stop. the L train is bad]

Riding the Bus

Did I mention I rode the bus? I forgot to, but it is worth mentioning. Half the time I looked up subway routes on my iPhone and it would say to take a bus to the subway. I would always skip those directions and look for a route without a bus. However, one time I was only given bus options and I decided to try it out. I actually knew what subways to take and they were the G and L train (two highly hated subway routes).

Anyway, the bus was on time, but I was not. I missed the bus, jumped into the street, and waved to the driver. He pulled over and I got on. I then enjoyed a quick bus ride (about the amount of time it would take me to walk to the subway station). Mass Transit may not be the evil I thought it was.

I HATE ALL MASS TRANSIT INCLUDING THE BUS SYSTEM!

On my trip back home the bus was late. Buses suck as well.

Facebook Connect is Going to Get You Laid More Often

In solidarity of my week of Twitter, I bring you joy about other new Internet revolutions:

Some people are scared of the way the Internet is changing. What once was personal is now public information. Facebook has been watching what its users are doing outside of Facebook and reporting some of it back to the user’s News Feed. Facebook Connect is going to step this up another level. You can now log into other websites using your Facebook account and gives Facebook access to more information about what you do on the web. I know this sounds terribly intrusive, but it will add more freedom to your life and I will explain how.

At some point you may dabble in a video that is a bit risqué or possibly accidentally visit a website that has a different meaning than you thought (e.g. the old Whitehouse.com) and Facebook posts a story on your behalf. This will lead you to an “oh shit” moment and your heart will start beating rapidly. You scramble to erase your deed, but it is too late. When this happens, do not panic. Calm yourself down and get ready for the aftermath from your finger clicking error.

Congratulations! With that click, you just made yourself and others one-step closer to sexual freedom. Remember all those times when you were jealous of the "sluts” in school, because they did what they want and you held everything inside, because you did not want to be labeled a slut? These times will soon come to an end, when more and more people realize that they have been ignoring their desires and hiding their true sexual emotions. When a critical mass has accepted their desires, the taboo and name-calling will be washed away.

You are probably reading this and thinking, “so what, how this is going to get me laid more often? Who cares about my sexual freedom, I need help getting some in the first place.” Fear not, I have not come close to explaining the true powers of Facebook Connect.

With the mass acceptance of social sites, many people can now see you as you really are. This helps some people, but ruins chances for others. If you lie about being a doctor and bringing home half a million a year, most people will check your profile and see you are lying. You may think Facebook Connect is going to end your ability of lying to get laid, once and for all; however it can help. For example, you can go to a music website, click on a band that your crush loves, mute your speakers, and let Facebook Connect announce to the world how much you listen to (a.k.a. love) that band. Then you go to Obama’s website (Microsoft Word wants me to change this to Osama’s, but I feel that is not going to help you get laid), go to the donation section, drop $.53 into his fund with a note that says, “I hear you love change.” Now sit back and let Facebook do its magic. If your pants are still on, hold tight, I have one last feature to get excited for.



Ever had Facebook announce that you went from being engaged to single? Ever watch someone else’s relationship status change to something that gives you a better chance of scoring? Facebook Connect will soon offer awesome powers to help you achieve a blissful union. Here is an example: your crush’s relationship status changes to single, they change their current status to “going clubbing,” and then Facebook Connect announces that their credit card just bought 5 shots of Jack Daniels at the Towne Inn. You are stuck at work thinking, “crap this is my chance, but if I go to the bar I will be fired.” Never fear, Facebook Connect allows you to buy a drink remotely and add a note for the bartender to drop your number with a message exclaiming, "you are sorry about the news and are available for support." Even if the bartender does not give the note, it will all be posted to Facebook Connect. In the event (most likely) your dream lover wakes up the next morning still drunk and in the arms of the wrong person, they will be notified once again of your kindness when they log onto Facebook.


[example screenshot of Facebook Connect at work]

Of course, there are a few situations where Facebook Connect can destroy your newly energized sexual liberation. Let's say, you go get tested for STDs and before you know it, your results are posted to Facebook telling everyone you have herpes (even though this might not help you get laid, it will stop others from getting herpes… hopefully).


[The irony is that by posting this, I will probably look like an asshole and get laid less. Oh well.]

Twitter Gives You 140 Characters

I already used fifty-six.

Twitter Challenge
alandickson is tweeting every waking hour for seven days straight.

Ideas For Challenges

Taking every other week off from challenges is probably a good idea, but it is a little boring. I have had time to reflect and think of challenges I want to do.

Coffee
I was looking at this Timeline of a Coffee Drinker and started to think about having a cup. Having never had a sip of real coffee, it would be a good challenge to start off everyday with a full cup of the black liquid. In doing this, I might become more of a grown-up. It also could lead to a terrible unneeded addiction that will drain my pocketbook.

Karaoke
Last night I witnessed one of the greatest feats ever done by human beings. Ted Leo and the Pharmacists played a karaoke set with Andrew W.K. hosting. Karaoke is one of those strange supernatural forces. It is imitating classic music in a cheap way, yet it takes courage to perform. Andrew W.K. said, you have to let go of your dignity and just dive into it. I want to dive in and make a fool of myself (for only seven days).


[Andrew W.K. performing "Louie Louie" with Ted Leo and the Pharmacists]

Vegan
I just celebrated my fifth Thanksgiving as a vegetarian. Becoming vegetarian has been a very positive choice in my life. It was the start of doing what I want to do, no matter what the norm was. I went vegan for two years, but then got drunk and ate some cheese. Since then cheese and I have had a love/hate relationship that I am on the verge to drop. I will start with a week and see what happens.

Bring My Computer to the Coffee Shop
Mac users show off their coolness by using their computer at coffee shops. Being a new Mac user, I feel I don't get the potential out of my computer. I need to break it out of my room and get some work done in front of others. The only downside is that I have a desktop. [This idea was given to me by a friend who likes to remain anonymous, so I will just say he is good at noodling on the guitar.]

Twitter
I am a new Twitter user and am skeptical about its uses, but I think it has its useful applications. I am bad at inviting people to things, so I do most things alone. Twitter allows people to see what I am doing and jump in. Some are scared of Twitter, because they want to keep their life personal. I do not have this fear, so I will Tweet every hour of my awake hours. If there was a way to connect Twitter to my mind while sleeping, I would do it, but I will just enjoy my hours of rest in peace. Alan Dickson's Twitter Feed

Suggestions and Comments
As always, comments and suggestions are welcome.
E-mail: alan.m.dickson@gmail.com
AIM: sternmboy

Will You Marry Me?

No Biking Week is over, so now I rest and get ready for another challenge next week. I am having a poll to see if I should get married or not. Vote or forever hold your peace.

No Biking: Day 7

Day 7: The End

The my final day without my bike, everyone rode the subway to work. All four of us decided today was not a day to ride a bike. Almost all of Manhattan realized it was day not to ride bikes in solidarity of my final day without a bike (it could also have been the rain).

Another subway ride, another delayed train. Paying $2 to be late to work is not worth the pain. I think I wasted $16 taking that wretched, ancient, slow system. Two or three times it was delayed. At least once it did not go where the conductor said it was going. I could not imagine spending that amount up every week to suffer.

Enough of this writing. My seven days are up. I want to ride my bicycle!


[want a ride?]